I just turned on the TV to TLC and had it playing in the background while I was getting ready for bed and it was an interview with the woman from my big fat fabulous life and in the five minutes it was playing I heard something that really stuck out to me. If I find the quote later on I’ll try and remember to post it but the basic gist was her talking about how she had to learn to love herself and once she was able to do that then she was able to be surrounded by other people who loved her too. That quote really spoke to me from my own experience. In the depths of the eating disorder it was pretty much impossible to make any kind of connection to anyone because so many social things revolve around food and if I would be worrying this has x calories, I need to go to the gym, etc. I think that is a super common issue people who are fighting eating disorders come to realize. As I learned to love myself though all of a sudden I was just overall much happier and all of a sudden able to have real conversations. I’m not going to lie there are still times when little comments trigger me but I try and remember to snap myself out of that. This past summer not being in treatment and going to work at sleep away camp and building connections in a new environment allowed me to have a break from my normal life. Coming back to school one of my roommates has repeatedly told me how much happy I am. I just hope to continue on this path and continue finding and maintaining happiness 🙂
eating disorder recovery
Thoughts on Therapy
Tonight while I was searching on pinterest… because I mean what else does any other college student do while watching the grammys 🙂 I found a pin to the article linked above. The description for the pin read, “Should I go to therapy? Four collegiettes who are glad they did.” I thought well I’m a collegiate who is glad I went to therapy so why not write about it here?
I am so glad I went to therapy and honestly credit that therapist and doctor I had freshman year with helping me to save my own life. I already had an eating disorder prior to coming to college but it just spiraled out of control once getting here and my therapist helped me so much and I have never felt more comfortable with a therapist than with that one. She was my therapist freshman and sophomore year of college and those sessions helped give me the strength to change the path I was on and she also is the one who sent me to treatment both times for a higher level of care twice. When she called me while I was at Renfrew one day and told me she was not coming back the following year I just freaked out and did not know how I was going to handle going back to school and not having her there. She gave me tons of tools to help me cope with school but honestly it was those sessions that made me feel comfortable enough to share things that I have never told other therapists, and believe me I’ve had my fair share or anyone else. I feel as though treatment can teach you all sorts of tools like I know so much about CBT, DBT, etc. and those are useful but those individual sessions where I had that opportunity to feel like I would not be judged and had someone I really trusted are what helped me so much. I don’t even know what it was about that therapist but we just seemed to click and I am forever thankful for her and everything she helped me accomplish. I can honestly say I do not think I would still be in school if it was not for her. After that first semester and my horrible grades I came home with my dad told me I wouldn’t go back if second semester were the same and honestly if it was not for that help I got from her they would have been no doubt because I would have had no support. She even at one point made one of the groups the counseling center have specifically work around my schedule so I could attend. Did I need more intensive care during those times? Most likely and I got it during the summer and I am always thankful she stuck it out with me and watched all the ups and downs that I had during those first two years of college especially freshman year.
Stay Strong Little Warrior 